Character Flaws: A Standalone Romantic Comedy Read online

  I laugh. “I’ve got a friend who’s one of the ensemble cast members. Every summer, a small group puts on the stage production of one of Shakespeare’s plays, but they do it in the park, with really nothing but a stage and a few props. This year, they are doing The Taming of the Shrew. Thought you’d appreciate it.”

  I hold back my laughter as she scrunches her face in disdain, swallowing the food before she starts to rail on me.

  “So, you thought I’d like it because I’m a what – a shrew? I’ll just take my food to go, thank you very much.”

  She picks up her plate and playfully stomps off to the door but I grab her by the waist and spin her around.

  Her smile is as wide as Lake Michigan. And as beautiful as the sunset across the water.

  Pulling her in, my hand slides down to her ass, which is only covered with a pair of panties, her t-shirt hanging just over the curve, which I’ve doted on with my fingers, lips and tongue the last few nights.

  I give it a good squeeze and she moans, one arm slinging around my neck, the other holding the plate off to the side. I remove it from her hand and place it on the counter.

  My mouth waters to taste her. I lean down and place a hard, smoldering kiss on her lips. Just as I thought…sweet as syrup.

  “You’re not going anywhere,” I say between breaths. “What, with my tongue in your tail? Nay, come again, Good Kate; I am a gentleman.”

  Joey pulls away and looks at me like I’ve grown two heads.

  “Who the hell is Kate and what the hell did you just spout?” she asks, smacking me on the bicep.

  I pull at her wrists, tugging her back into me, walking us backwards toward the bedroom, where I have some very important work to do.

  “It’s Petruchio’s line to Katherine. You’ve never heard it? When she compares him to a wasp.”

  She shrugs and looks back over her shoulder with a look of forlorn at her remaining pancakes.

  She whines, giving me a pouty lip. “But I’m hungry…my pancakes…they’ll get cold.”

  I snicker, nipping at her bottom lip, sucking it until she sighs. My butt lands on the bed and I pull her down to straddle me.

  “I’m hungry, too,” I say, waggling eyebrows salaciously as I thrust up into her. “And I promise to make you more after I make you come.”

  And then I flip her over onto her back as the gasp tears out of her mouth.

  The hem of her shirt has risen so the soft, creamy flesh of her belly is exposed. I slip my hand underneath, cupping a breast in my hand and flicking at her hardened nipple with my nail. Her sighs turn into moans and I know I’ve got her where I want her.

  As I place kisses up to her breast, I circle her nipple and lave my tongue over it, lashing it back and forth. Her hips squirm underneath me, and I open her wide with my thigh so I can nestle between her legs.

  I’m wearing a pair of nylon shorts and my boxers, but it does nothing to shield me from her heat. I want to bury myself inside her and let her consume me for days. Who cares about food when I can live off her body?

  Hovering over her now, I kiss and nip at her neck before taking her mouth in a searing kiss. I spear her lips with my tongue, our tongues battle and swirl, telling one another of our lust and longing.

  My dick twitches between her legs and she lifts her hips to meet the thrust of my body.

  “I’m going to fuck you so hard you’ll forget all about those pancakes.”

  Not the most epically romantic or alpha thing I could say in the moment, but I’m always at a loss for words when we’re in the heat of things. She drives all other thoughts away with her hot, tight body and wickedly sensual gasps and moans.

  “Mmm,” she groans. “What pancakes? I was thinking sausage sounds delicious right about now.”

  Oh yeah. Nothing hotter than turning food into sexual innuendos.

  “You like some sausage, huh? How about some piggies in a blanket?”

  She giggles, her hands reaching between us and grabbing the waistband of my shorts, tugging them down as far as she can reach. I help her the remainder of the way, kicking them off the edge of the bed. Without having to say a word, she lifts her hips and pulls off her panties. Her t-shirt is bunched up over her breasts and I kind of like the way she looks all trussed up.

  The sweet nectar of her skin, all flushed and creamy, and the soft ginger blonde of her hair, fanning out. She’s the most beautiful woman I know.

  Our bodies are skin-to-skin, friction creating a heat so intense it could easily beat out the sun’s rays. My cock slides through her folds and I revel in the slick feel of her against me.

  It’s perfection.

  Each time I hit the spot, Joey’s fingernails dig into my ass.

  I begin to reach over to the drawer for a condom when she pulls my hand back.

  She’s moving her head moving back and forth, her teeth biting her bottom lip.

  “Can we…I want to feel you inside me. I’m on birth control. I just want…”

  I hear a loud growl and realize it’s come from somewhere deep inside me where my animal lives. The animal that wants to rut like a wild savage beast and come inside her without any barriers.

  “Oh fuck. If you’re sure.”

  My tip is poised at her entrance and I feel the give of her body, but hold myself very still until she gives me permission.

  “Please, Theo. I need you,” she murmurs.

  I’m a goner.

  It takes every ounce of control for me not to rip through her. To push in and take what I want. For my alpha to come screaming out like a caveman who wants to fuck and fuck and fuck.

  Instead, I call on my restraint and slowly – ever-so-slowly – ease myself into her. The warmth. The heat. The delicious wetness that envelops me. Makes me forget everything outside these four walls.

  I must be lost in her because her voice is sharp and forceful.

  “Move, Theo. Just…fuck me.”

  My body thrusts and undulates, creating a perfect rhythm to go along with the sounds of our breaths.

  “And where two raging fires meet together. They do consume the thing that feeds their fury.”

  “Are you seriously quoting Shakespeare while you fuck me?”

  Oops. I guess I can’t hide my theater geek.

  I lift my head from where it’s buried in her neck and give her a rueful smile.

  “Uh, yeah, sorry…”

  And the sting of her fingernails digging into my ass tell me exactly what she thinks about it.

  “Don’t stop…it’s so hot.”

  And I don’t. For the next thirty minutes, I’m The Bard and she’s my shrew.

  And I’m taming her like no other man can do.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Joey

  From superhero to robot

  Who knew I’d be turned on by Shakespeare quotes?

  Or that I’d enjoy being fucked while hearing it from Theo’s mouth?

  Hottest thing ever.

  It reminded me of that scene from the movie I watched in my teens with Jamie Lee Curtis and John Cleese, A Fish Called Wanda. Where she creamed her panties whenever he’d speak in a foreign language.

  Except for me, it was when Theo began throwing out lines from the various plays he’d memorized from college and I’d literally jump his bones.

  It was almost comical, had it not been so sensual and erotic.

  But the contradiction between how Theo used those lines and what we’re watching now makes it very difficult for my brain and body to reconcile. I’m sprawled out on a blanket on the park lawn, in between Theo’s legs, as we watch a live performance of The Taming of the Shrew.

  My back is pressed against Theo’s chest as I stretch out in front of him, a light blanket placed over my lower half to ward off the chill in the night air. There’s a short intermission and we’re just lounging, chatting and drinking some wine, while other’s stand and stretch around us.

  To make matters worse, his fingers have been absently stroking
up and down the length of my arm, and he nuzzles my neck with his nose from behind, nipping and biting my earlobe.

  Goose bumps breakout over my body and it feels like my body is a livewire. I close my eyes and wish all the other people around us away so he can have his way with me.

  Theo chuckles behind me, his nose nudging my ear as he whispers. “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”

  I turn my head to the side and peer into his hazel eyes, which are more golden tonight than they normally are. Perhaps it’s from the stage lights or the stars above.

  It strikes me how much I like Theo. We’ve only known each other for a short while, but I can’t imagine my day-to-day life without him now.

  I’ve dated my share of men, but never wanted or needed anything stronger than some sex and affection. Being on my own was liberating and I didn’t have to conform to anyone else’s expectations. Perhaps that’s left over from growing up in my mother’s house. The constant nagging to be someone I wasn’t.

  It’s entirely different with Theo, though. He likes me for who I am. Not who he wants me to be.

  I admire his tenacity and aspirations.

  He’s told me how down on his luck he’d been – where all he’d hear was rejection after rejection of his work. But instead of giving up when the going got tough and it seemed everything was a loss, he picked himself up by his proverbially boot straps and kept going. He hasn’t let obstacles detour him from his charted course.

  Not only that, but he’s just a kind hearted, gentle man. My first impression of him was all wrong. Okay, maybe my entire impression of him was warped from the beginning and I was way off base. Theo wasn’t anything like I thought he was.

  In this moment, I know I want more. I don’t want this to end after we’re done with the play and after Patrick returns home from China.

  But I can’t say any of this to him now. It’s too new between us. And everything feels like it’s on a balanced scale. One slight adjustment on either side and it could tip us over.

  Theo’s naughty grin has my belly doing flips. His lips are within inches of mine and I want to suck his bottom lip into my mouth and tug and lick it. And then I want other parts of his body – much plumper than his lip – inside my mouth.

  “I don’t know about you, but I was thinking what a twisted man Shakespeare was. His plays are so messed up.”

  Theo ravishes my mouth and when he lets go, he says, “That’s not what you were thinking.”

  I cock an eyebrow. “Oh really? And how exactly do you know what I was thinking?”

  His hand slides stealthily down my arm, past my waist and underneath the blanket, where it lands at my center. Where everything tingles.

  His voice is low and husky, the warmth of his fingertips penetrating through the material of my shorts, hitting me smack dab between my legs.

  “I can read you. And you were telling me what I already know.”

  “Oh yeah, what’s that?”

  My head falls on his shoulder as I succumb to the pleasures his fingers are bestowing. Heavenly perfection.

  “That you’re a naughty…”

  Before he can finish his comment or do any of those naughty things he knows I was thinking about, Theo’s interrupted by a bright and chipper voice above us.

  Both our heads snap up to see a pair of shapely legs in short-shorts.

  “Omigod, I thought that was you, Theo,” the voice greets, as my gaze makes its way up the woman’s body to her face.

  Theo’s hand flies out from under the blanket and he jumps to his feet. The speed in which he does this sends me toppling back onto the blanket with an oomph.

  I’m startled and confused at his reaction. But then things are made plenty clear when I hear him reply to our visitor’s greeting.

  “Alyssa. Hey, what are you doing here?”

  She titters with a light, airy laugh. But the sweetness in her response is muted by the bitchy glare she gives me when she looks down at me, where I’m trying to recalibrate myself on the blanket.

  “Oh, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt anything. I’m just sitting over there with my friends” – she points behind us to a group of college-aged kids – “And I thought it was you, so I wanted to come say hello.”

  I push to my feet and stand awkwardly looking between the two of them. Theo seems incredibly flustered and Alyssa...well, she seems calculatingly evil.

  Her blonde hair is styled in an intricate braid that wraps around from her forehead to the side of her head. Definitely not something I could ever have pulled off – one, because of my curls and two, because I suck at braiding. But she wears it beautifully. Like a petite Greek goddess of Light.

  She’s fucking bubbly. Perky. And I hate her because I can see underneath all of her shininess. Underneath lurks a two-faced rat.

  I clear my throat, trying to get Theo’s attention, who’s shifting between his feet and gaping at Alyssa. When he doesn’t give any introduction, mostly because he’s in some sort of tractor-beam trance caused by Alyssa’s evil powers, I shove my hand out in her direction.

  She giggles and wiggles her fingers at me.

  “Hi, I’m Joey. And you are?”

  Of course, I know who she is. But in this moment, I want to make her feel bad. For leaving Theo. She doesn’t deserve him. And maybe I don’t either, but at least I’m with him now.

  She tilts her head and in that instant, seeing the nasty gleam in her eyes, thinly disguised as curiosity, I know she’s going to come out swinging in that passive-aggressive mid-West manner that I know far too well.

  “I’m Alyssa. Theo’s girlfriend of two years. We lived together, as well. Theo and I have quite a long history, don’t we baby?”

  She directs the question to Theo, but keeps her eyes on me, the edge of her smile not quite meeting her eyes.

  I glance at Theo who just says, “Uh-huh.”

  What is happening to him? He’s a mumbling, bumbling robot. Whatever power this girl has over him, I want to unleash my own and destroy her while he watches.

  “Oh, that’s so cool. History is so important because it always tends to teach us something about what we do and don’t want in our lives. Doesn’t it Theo?”

  I know I’m being terribly catty, but this girl…she needs to be shown what’s up. Theo’s admitted to me how manipulating she was during the course of their relationship and how he had been sucked in and then spit out.

  Apparently, her reappearance seems to have altered his abilities for speech, because he responds with another, “Uh-huh.”

  Oh my poor Theo. Not your finest moment, dude.

  I continue. “And it’s never a good idea to repeat history.”

  Alyssa glares at me in the only way women know how when it comes to jealousy over a man, and then reaches out to grab behind Theo’s neck, a scheming smirk etches across her lips, her blazing blue eyes focused on me.

  And then, before I know what’s happening, Alyssa leans up on her tiptoes and kisses Theo on his cheek. The same cheek that I’d been nuzzling against not five minutes earlier. The same one that had been between my legs earlier that morning.

  As she leans in on tiptoes and whispers something in Theo’s ear. I can’t hear it, but Theo closes his eyes.

  I stare dumbfounded as Alyssa wraps her arms around Theo and places a kiss on his cheek. She’s just about to go for his mouth when I yank his arm, jerking him toward me.

  Alyssa loses her balance and is forced to let go to keep herself upright. I smile, imagining her falling on her ass. But she doesn’t. She’s annoyingly graceful.

  Theo just looks between us when I say, “Well, we were just about to get some refreshments. Thanks for stopping by.”

  I dismiss Alyssa with a toss of my head and guide Theo by the hand toward the concession stands. He’s literally as still as a statue and blank as an android.

  Alyssa, however, gets in the last word.

  She coos. “Bye, baby. I can’t wait to see your play next week. Call
me.”

  “Yeah, okay. Sounds good,” Theo, the autobot responds.

  She waggles her hand in that Parade Princess way and turns to leave, as I tug Theo in the opposite direction.

  I’m seeing red by the time we get to the concession stand and can’t contain my Irish-redheaded temper.

  “What the hell was that about, Theo? Are you still in love with her?”

  And the next three words he utters sends my hope crashing to the ground and has me questioning everything we’ve shared together over the last month.

  “I don’t know.”

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Theo

  Bumbling fools don’t get laid

  I was out of my stupor by the time the performance ended and we walked back to the apartment.

  What the fuck happened to me?

  Joey had barely said a word after exchange at the drink counter, with the exception of a few simple responses to questions.

  I knew I’d fucked things up between us the moment the words left my mouth. Or actually, the moment we ran into Alyssa and I acted like a complete and utter fuckwad.

  What possessed me to act that way? Like a lost puppy. Or an idiot savant?

  Jesus, it was as if something or someone had taken over my body – like an alien abduction – and I lost all sense of where or who I was.

  Trying to explain that to Joey was like digging my grave even bigger and deeper. Foot meet mouth.

  We’d stayed and finished watching the play, but I’m certain neither of us were really watching. So the minute the performance ended, we packed up our things and left.

  Now we’ve made it up to our hallway and we’re a few feet from our apartment door. I’m not sure if I dare invite her in. I’m pretty sure she wants nothing to do with my douchenozzle self tonight.

  We’d spent every night together over the last week together after rehearsals. But tonight, I have a feeling we need a break. Or at least, she does.

  That’s not entirely true. It’s obvious even to me, that I need a moment to collect my thoughts and figure out what I’m thinking. I know I’m over Alyssa, otherwise I wouldn’t be with Joey.